A less than stellar beginning.
It was 2006, and I began my post-high school track at the University of Miami. Early in my academic career, I strongly desired to excel. I had a rocky start to my first semester compared to the standards I had come to expect in high school. I was accustomed to achieving straight A’s. Going in, I assumed I could easily handle a six-class course load and stacked those classes to all be on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with only the sixth class being Wednesdays. The sixth course was a post-graduation preparation class that would prepare us for either law school or an MBA program. What could be better than a four-day weekend every week?
I assumed it would be an excellent plan as it would enable me to continue participating in competitive PC gaming while providing additional free time to focus on studying. However, I needed to allot my time to better prioritize school work and study instead of structuring my time to make room for the games that interested me. Ultimately, this strategy resulted in a mix of A’s and B’s with a C+ in a Communications course I underestimated. These results fell short of my expectations but taught me a humbling lesson. I was confident I could redeem myself in the Spring of 2006 and made adjustments to make that a reality.
Adjustments were needed!
It was clear that I would only turn things around if I studied more diligently and put in more effort starting the next semester. I decided to do five classes instead of six and begin a paid internship with OfficeMax, which an old friend connected me with. I felt fortunate as this was not the kind of opportunity a first-year student would often get. I also made the crucial adjustment to spread those five classes through Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. One upside of the internship was that I would allocate less free time to playing PC games, but there were a few downsides I did not foresee. The schedule would give little room for error. I was confident I could handle it at the time despite suspecting I might exert myself too much. I thought, “How hard would it be to put games on the back burner and pay more attention if need be?”
I hit the ground running that next semester and saw myself excel in all I was doing. The perfectionist inside of me was delighted with my performance. Within that first month or two of the semester, I got straight A’s and worked diligently to prove myself in my internship. I even made some time to play those coveted PC games and give lessons for money to augment my income. Some upper-level classmates and co-workers I occasionally encountered recognized my hard work through their affirmation and encouragement. I also noticed one of the young ladies in a class appeared enthusiastic about getting to know me. In my eyes, I was on top of the world in practically every area that seemed to matter.
I felt invincible, and my faith was the only aspect of my life I had allowed to become secondary. I did not slip away to the extent where I would call myself a prodigal or rebel, but I was not seeking God above the parameters for success the world offered. All these things I pursued were good. The mistake was not ensuring God was my top priority (Matthew 6:33). I was not attending Church or any Bible studies (Hebrews 10:25), although I still made it a point to talk to people about God on campus (Matthew 28:18-20). I also did so in the computer games I used to play. But the reality was apart from that, and perhaps some prayer time, my faith was not where it should be.
God corrects those He loves.
After those first couple of months or so, I was highly stressed out. It was a great time to quit the PC games, consider dropping one class, or even let go of the internship to salvage my work-life balance and mental health. Given my competitive nature, I did not find these solutions reasonable. I told myself I would power through anything and the stressors would subside in time (Proverbs 16:18). It got to a point where I did not sleep enough, and I became severely burnt out from over-extending myself. I did not recognize my limitations and remove something from my schedule. Instead, not long after, I put myself in a position where I needed to drop the entire load immediately. That is what I did, and not too long later, I realized I found myself immersed in a manic episode. I even had to be hospitalized, and my recovery was no walk in the park, to say the absolute least.
Instead of having the humility and self-control to retire the PC games and sleep better, I had to let go of everything I was working for. I was not angry at God but was perplexed why He would allow me to suffer such a severe setback. I would face similar consequences for my mistakes again further down the road. My excessive ambition, competitive nature, and perfectionism led me to experience similar events thrice more during the following decade. It was challenging to realize that God gave me a loving and merciful detour because I was overly focused on what I had lost (Hebrews 12:11).
To this day, I can only speculate what God’s complete plan entails concerning these events. First and foremost, it made me realize that I should invest in eternity over the fleeting accomplishments and accolades this world offers (Ephesians 5:15-17). It also taught me I could not force or accomplish anything outside Him, allowing and empowering it. None of us can do anything of eternal value outside of Jesus Christ helping us to do so (John 15:4-8).
Instead of becoming a lawyer or climbing the ranks of a corporate ladder, God turned my focus back to Him. I discovered the value of being in His will, learned that God is to be loved and feared, and even found great satisfaction in serving Him through writing, among other pursuits (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14). God even blessed me with more time to spend with my mom and dad, who helped me in my darkest days and never gave up on my recovery despite how bleak things were.
I may not know every reason why God ordained what happened, but I could not be more thankful that it did. My relationship with Him is stronger than ever. I placed my career aspirations on indefinite hold due to the circumstances of what occurred, but I am all the more blessed for having grown closer to Him in that season. I will celebrate eight years since my last hospitalization in August of this year, and He has remained faithful to me. The trial was severe, but God never abandoned me or let me down in any way (James 1:2-4; Deuteronomy 31:6; Hebrews 13:5-6).
It can be quite painful or even excruciating at the moment, but God corrects those He loves (Hebrews 12:6-7). All the lessons God teaches you the hard way have their purpose (Romans 8:28). One of the best ways to approach this is to learn from the experience and mistakes of others. Exercising our humility and integrating valuable lessons into our lives is crucial. While this may not always be a luxury available to us, it should always be on our radar to consider the advice of the people that love us. It rings even more true when they have our best interests at heart and are qualified to offer the advice they give regarding the subject matter.
Final thoughts
Instead of finding your identity in your career, relationships, or other gauges of success, I suggest discovering it in God first (2 Corinthians 5:17). We can enjoy these avenues of human achievement in their time as God opens the door. But they should never be our most significant focus. If you find your identity in Jesus Christ, it cannot be taken away, stolen, or otherwise lost. Nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:35-39)! Take comfort in His presence today. We can find joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment in Him (Psalm 16:11). Everything He blesses us with in this life is the icing on the cake. The real blessing is having the chance to serve Him and spend eternity with God in Heaven. We should thank Him for everything from the little material blessings (i.e., a pen and paper) to the largest of spiritual ones (i.e., knowing Jesus Christ as Savior) and everything in between. May God empower us all to live for His glory without regrets and appreciate all those blessings we are given rather than focusing on what we may lack (1 Chronicles 16:29-30).
