Occasionally, even the best of us get flustered. Consistent emotional stability is a worthy aspiration, but it’s not something that comes naturally to the majority. Coping mechanisms to combat the overextension of our reactions and extend grace are often a blessing of Jesus Christ and also a learned skill (2 Corinthians 9:8). Yet we know that, despite the challenge it poses to operate this way, it’s worth seeking for a variety of reasons.
It’s vital to remember that our emotional control shouldn’t come at the expense of our general communication in relationships (Matthew 12:34). For example, imagine a husband and wife in a conversation about dinner plans. The wife suggests trying out a new restaurant. Still, the husband, who harbors a strong distaste for the cuisine, nods and maintains a stoic facade to avoid conflict (James 3:2).
On the surface, the scenario depicted in the above example may help maintain a temporary sense of peace. However, his bottled-up feelings could eventually erupt like a dormant volcano, surprising both parties with the intensity of his unexpected frustration (Jeremiah 17:9).
The alternative is to express oneself with care, tact, and consideration to our family and friends. The Bible makes it clear that these dispositions are all components of a healthy approach. We cannot afford to shut down with the people we hold close; our goal should be to prioritize quality time and connection in our relationships to ensure they remain strong.
Our aim then becomes to successfully process our emotions while communicating in a way that is authentic to each situation. For instance, it’s better to have a few moments of discomfort in a marriage that operates within the reasonable framework of love and respect rather than sweep those situations under the rug (Ephesians 4:15-16).
These moments of friction are minimized when one person takes the approach of expressing a specific need. They might say, “I need some time to unwind after work before we discuss plans,” or use a time-out signal during a heated discussion to prevent escalation. By implementing these behaviors, couples can more effectively manage disagreements and cultivate healthier communication in their relationships.
If we avoid expressing the full extent of our qualms to our partner to appease them, we may inadvertently set ourselves up for future conflict. What could have been a few minor skirmishes resolving key areas of contention can, when left unchecked, become an unnecessary and excessive burden. By recognizing this cycle, couples can take early action to communicate openly and empathetically, breaking the pattern before it becomes overly problematic.
Emotional consistency and composure in our relationships with friends and colleagues is also meaningful. It’s not that we want to hide things like who we are or what we feel. The issue is that when we shut down, we may expect people to read our minds or put up with our unreasonable behavior. Not letting our feelings dictate what we say and do allows us to think before we speak (Ephesians 4:29). We hold our tongues just long enough not to hurt someone’s feelings and instead deliver the same message with more care (James 1:19).
Have you ever spoken anything you’d like to rephrase? When was the last time you could have shared something with more tact and sensitivity? It’s often our closest loved ones that we have the least care for with our words. We grow so accustomed to their unconditional love and their willingness to forgive. Instead of taking them for granted, our desire should include a deliberate intention to communicate with abundant love and respect towards them.
We can consider this quick self-assessment to develop daily awareness of our interactions with loved ones:
– When I speak to loved ones, do I listen actively and without interrupting?
– Do I express my thoughts with kindness and patience?
– Have I acknowledged their feelings and shown empathy?
– Am I seeking to resolve conflicts rather than winning an argument?
Use these questions as a guide to ensure that your communications are both respectful and genuine.
The next time you catch yourself in a verbal joust with your spouse, parent, child, or sibling, try to remind yourself to exercise this type of care (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Imagine a home where each moment is filled with grace and love for everyone. Picture interactions that breathe life and healing into the family unit (Proverbs 18:21). Envision kindness overflowing (Isaiah 54:7-8) and understanding reigning supreme in you and your most cherished loved ones (Ephesians 4:32).
After all, what sense does it make to treat strangers with greater consideration than those closest to us? The ideal is to operate with grace and love for everyone. Knowing that God calls us to love even our enemies, how is it that we don’t extend this to our closest family and friends (Matthew 5:44)?
I want to invite you to shoot for consistent love with those God has positioned around you (Matthew 22:36-40). Just because you have experienced their forgiveness and grace before doesn’t mean complacency is permissible (Romans 5:20-21, Romans 6:15). The way we esteem ourselves should inspire us to mirror that same consideration towards others (Romans 12:3, Philippians 2:3). God extends His love, forgiveness, mercy, and grace to us in abundance (Hebrews 4:16). That should, likewise, motivate us to take the same course of action with others.
Next time you feel tempted to lash out at someone, take a step back. Instead of taking what they’re saying at face value, ask yourself why they think the way they do. Better yet, pray and seek God’s counsel on the matter. You may soon realize that their position is not as outlandish as it seems.
God even provides us with the tools to operate with restraint. The Fruit of the Spirit includes love, self-control, long-suffering, gentleness, kindness, goodness, joy, and peace (Galatians 5:22-23). All of these provide us with the fuel needed to exercise the emotional restraint that benefits everyone around us.
For example, if we have self-control, we are equipped to respond to someone’s wrath with a soft answer and diffuse a situation (Proverbs 15:1). If we respond in kind, we would instead add fuel to the fire, which does neither them nor us any favors.
A marriage exemplifies both sides of the coin. The goal is complete honesty and sincerity, while also embracing the tension that sometimes comes along with the territory (Proverbs 27:17). Your spouse is an extension of you; in other words, you are one flesh (Mark 10:8). If you do them good, you are making a positive investment in your world too.
A good partner will mirror this behavior towards you as well, and you will feel compelled to keep this positive cycle going with one another for life. Create this dynamic, and observe how the fruit of your choices manifests itself in your relationship.
Exercising restraint with your tongues and ensuring your emotions don’t cloud your decision-making improve you as a unit (James 3:6). Their win is your win. Your win is their win (Ephesians 5:25-33). Meanwhile, if you fight to argue rather than to explore solutions, or if you fail to help each other cope effectively, you impede yourselves.
To translate this principle into daily life, consider implementing a small ritual that emphasizes the “their win is your win” perspective. A simple nightly check-in can serve this purpose, allowing both partners to share small victories, express gratitude, and offer support. This routine develops a tangible sense of unity and reciprocity, making it easier to maintain harmony in the relationship (Psalm 133:1).
Don’t let any of these goals and aspirations discourage you if you have a lot of work to do. I know that I definitely do. All of us have room for improvement, along with our unique strengths and weaknesses. Contemplate areas of growth within your grasp and begin with them. God willing, with time, you will find the strength to emulate Jesus Christ more fully in your emotional discipline (2 Corinthians 5:20, Proverbs 21:23).
