It was 2006, and I began my post-high school track at the University of Miami. Early in my academic career, I strongly desired to excel. I had a rocky start to my first semester compared to the standards I had come to expect in high school. I was accustomed to achieving straight A’s. Going in, I assumed I could easily handle a six-class course load and stacked those classes to all be on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with only the sixth class being Wednesdays. The sixth course was a post-graduation preparation class that would prepare us for either law school or an MBA program. What could be better than a four-day weekend every week? 

I assumed it would be an excellent plan as it would enable me to continue participating in competitive PC gaming while providing additional free time to focus on studying. However, I needed to allot my time to better prioritize school work and study instead of structuring my time to make room for the games that interested me. Ultimately, this strategy resulted in a mix of A’s and B’s with a C+ in a Communications course I underestimated. These results fell short of my expectations but taught me a humbling lesson. I was confident I could redeem myself in the Spring of 2006 and made adjustments to make that a reality. 

Adjustments were needed!

It was clear that I would only turn things around if I studied more diligently and put in more effort starting the next semester. I decided to do five classes instead of six and begin a paid internship with OfficeMax, which an old friend connected me with. I felt fortunate as this was not the kind of opportunity a first-year student would often get. I also made the crucial adjustment to spread those five classes through Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. One upside of the internship was that I would allocate less free time to playing PC games, but there were a few downsides I did not foresee. The schedule would give little room for error. I was confident I could handle it at the time despite suspecting I might exert myself too much. I thought, “How hard would it be to put games on the back burner and pay more attention if need be?”

I hit the ground running that next semester and saw myself excel in all I was doing. The perfectionist inside of me was delighted with my performance. Within that first month or two of the semester, I got straight A’s and worked diligently to prove myself in my internship. I even made some time to play those coveted PC games and give lessons for money to augment my income. Some upper-level classmates and co-workers I occasionally encountered recognized my hard work through their affirmation and encouragement. I also noticed one of the young ladies in a class appeared enthusiastic about getting to know me. In my eyes, I was on top of the world in practically every area that seemed to matter.

I felt invincible, and my faith was the only aspect of my life I had allowed to become secondary. I did not slip away to the extent where I would call myself a prodigal or rebel, but I was not seeking God above the parameters for success the world offered. All these things I pursued were good. The mistake was not ensuring God was my top priority (Matthew 6:33). I was not attending Church or any Bible studies (Hebrews 10:25), although I still made it a point to talk to people about God on campus (Matthew 28:18-20). I also did so in the computer games I used to play. But the reality was apart from that, and perhaps some prayer time, my faith was not where it should be.

God corrects those He loves.

After those first couple of months or so, I was highly stressed out. It was a great time to quit the PC games, consider dropping one class, or even let go of the internship to salvage my work-life balance and mental health. Given my competitive nature, I did not find these solutions reasonable. I told myself I would power through anything and the stressors would subside in time (Proverbs 16:18). It got to a point where I did not sleep enough, and I became severely burnt out from over-extending myself. I did not recognize my limitations and remove something from my schedule. Instead, not long after, I put myself in a position where I needed to drop the entire load immediately. That is what I did, and not too long later, I realized I found myself immersed in a manic episode. I even had to be hospitalized, and my recovery was no walk in the park, to say the absolute least. 

Instead of having the humility and self-control to retire the PC games and sleep better, I had to let go of everything I was working for. I was not angry at God but was perplexed why He would allow me to suffer such a severe setback. I would face similar consequences for my mistakes again further down the road. My excessive ambition, competitive nature, and perfectionism led me to experience similar events thrice more during the following decade. It was challenging to realize that God gave me a loving and merciful detour because I was overly focused on what I had lost (Hebrews 12:11).

To this day, I can only speculate what God’s complete plan entails concerning these events. First and foremost, it made me realize that I should invest in eternity over the fleeting accomplishments and accolades this world offers (Ephesians 5:15-17). It also taught me I could not force or accomplish anything outside Him, allowing and empowering it. None of us can do anything of eternal value outside of Jesus Christ helping us to do so (John 15:4-8).

Instead of becoming a lawyer or climbing the ranks of a corporate ladder, God turned my focus back to Him. I discovered the value of being in His will, learned that God is to be loved and feared, and even found great satisfaction in serving Him through writing, among other pursuits (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14). God even blessed me with more time to spend with my mom and dad, who helped me in my darkest days and never gave up on my recovery despite how bleak things were.

I may not know every reason why God ordained what happened, but I could not be more thankful that it did. My relationship with Him is stronger than ever. I placed my career aspirations on indefinite hold due to the circumstances of what occurred, but I am all the more blessed for having grown closer to Him in that season. I will celebrate eight years since my last hospitalization in August of this year, and He has remained faithful to me. The trial was severe, but God never abandoned me or let me down in any way (James 1:2-4; Deuteronomy 31:6; Hebrews 13:5-6).

It can be quite painful or even excruciating at the moment, but God corrects those He loves (Hebrews 12:6-7). All the lessons God teaches you the hard way have their purpose (Romans 8:28). One of the best ways to approach this is to learn from the experience and mistakes of others. Exercising our humility and integrating valuable lessons into our lives is crucial. While this may not always be a luxury available to us, it should always be on our radar to consider the advice of the people that love us. It rings even more true when they have our best interests at heart and are qualified to offer the advice they give regarding the subject matter.

Final thoughts

Instead of finding your identity in your career, relationships, or other gauges of success, I suggest discovering it in God first (2 Corinthians 5:17). We can enjoy these avenues of human achievement in their time as God opens the door. But they should never be our most significant focus. If you find your identity in Jesus Christ, it cannot be taken away, stolen, or otherwise lost. Nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:35-39)! Take comfort in His presence today. We can find joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment in Him (Psalm 16:11). Everything He blesses us with in this life is the icing on the cake. The real blessing is having the chance to serve Him and spend eternity with God in Heaven. We should thank Him for everything from the little material blessings (i.e., a pen and paper) to the largest of spiritual ones (i.e., knowing Jesus Christ as Savior) and everything in between. May God empower us all to live for His glory without regrets and appreciate all those blessings we are given rather than focusing on what we may lack (1 Chronicles 16:29-30).

As with many other things in life, exercising moderation and finding the balance that best suits you should be your consistent aspiration. I would venture to say there is no one size fits all answer regarding the frequency of seclusion versus the time we spend with people because we are not duplicates of one another. There are also many moving parts to consider before establishing the pattern that best suits you. For instance, some of us are introverted by nature and will gravitate towards more independence to attain rest and peace. Meanwhile, extroverted people might derive comfort and joy from maximizing time spent with people. Examples of additional factors to help determine the best balance for you include the following:

• Current energy levels.
• Knowing our limits (i.e., stamina, stress, physical needs, etc.)
• Patterns of behavior. (i.e., recent activities, exposure of the senses to stimuli or lack thereof, etc.)

Recognizing these variables and considering the many that remain unmentioned above makes it challenging to determine optimal circumstances for ourselves, let alone for people in the aggregate. Interestingly, solitude provides us ample time to reflect and grow to learn what we need, want, and hope to achieve. However, liabilities like loneliness or depression can creep in if we over-emphasize it at the expense of spending time with loved ones.

Many of us, including those who identify as introverts, conceded that the recent epidemic we collectively faced stretched our affinity for alone time. Despite the connectivity technological advances provided through social media and apps like Zoom, almost everyone I recall speaking with afterward was thankful to reconnect with people again. It is not a stretch to conclude that parts of our physical, mental, and spiritual wellness rely on seeing people face-to-face and interacting beyond our computer screens. There is no denying that we are all social on some level. It is just a matter of determining where each of us lands on that spectrum that helps us pinpoint the proper balance of solitude and community that works for us accordingly.

As believers, this should indicate how vital it is to be the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13-16). Sharing God’s love with those we encounter may seem like a small, unnecessary, or even inconsequential gesture to us at the moment. However, these moments have the power to change the trajectory of people’s lives. We have no idea what some people have faced throughout the day, let alone their lives before we run into them. Opening someone’s door, lending a helping hand, or sharing God’s Word could lead to a tipping point in the right direction (Philippians 2:1-4). A lifetime of acts such as these may translate to eternal blessing for them and eternal reward for us (Matthew 6:19-21). We might even experience the privilege of leading some to come to saving faith in Jesus Christ and avoid eternity in hell (Romans 1:16, Isaiah 55:11)!

Balancing intentionality with our solitude and immersing ourselves in our local Church community assists us in overcoming the numerous distractions that contend for our attention. Unfortunately, it is easy to get caught up in the motions and forget to be intentional with our resources, time, and energy (1 Peter 4:10, Luke 16:1-13). Looking for the thrill of our next moment of instant gratification, we may resort to things like excessive social media, pornography, drugs, sex, alcohol, and so forth. These can develop into harmful patterns of behavior and even sinful addictions if left unchecked. Such dead-end roads reward us with unearned, momentary dopamine releases that feel extremely good for the moment and leave behind a wake of pain, stress, anxiety, worry, or even depression to cope with later (Romans 6:20-23). If behaviors like these become habitual, they typically motivate us to pursue more extreme measures involving a higher quantity and extended duration of exposure to acquire similar highs.

Thankfully, when we fight alongside other believers and encourage one another to overcome such setbacks, we can develop accountability and extra lines of defense before these detrimental behaviors get out of control (1 Peter 5:8-9). We must avoid the traps above and instead enjoy God-given pleasures responsibly in their time while we repent of the sinful ones with God’s help (Acts 3:19). For instance, we can enjoy sex in a marriage relationship between a man and woman with God’s blessing. In contrast, outside of marriage, it is a sinful endeavor. We must refrain from settling for the fool’s gold the devil has to offer if we want to experience God’s best. After all, He is the One Who invented sex. It is worth noting some things are intrinsically wrong. For example, pornography is immoral, and we should fight to avoid it consistently (Matthew 5:28). Thankfully, when we know Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we can cling to His promises to us. He has set us free from slavery to such sins (Romans 6:20-22). If we reach out to Him for help, He will assist us. We can rest assured He has won the war over sin and death (1 Corinthians 15:55-57). Thus, we no longer need to live in condemnation (Romans 8:1).

Whether in a period of solitude or with your loved ones, remember you can always reach out to them for help. There is a reason God has empowered you to help others, and I would bet that those you have invested in will gladly be there for you when you need it most. If all else fails, God Himself will always be with you and never leave or forsake you (Isaiah 41:10, Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5-8). Take comfort in His presence and provisions today!